I Try...

Okay…

I’m a “tryer.” Look! I made up a word! (I think I made up a word.)

I try things. What things? Pretty much everything. I’ve tried  graphic design, photography, psychology, patient and resident care. I’ve worked at restaurants, paint shops, factories, retail stores. I even dabbled in alcoholism. At the end of the day, though, I am an artist.

“And… how’s that going for you,” you ask?

I have a small amount of experience in a LOT of things. I don’t recommend this particular “strategy” throughout life and career, but there it is. I am not a planner. I’m not particularly motivated a good amount of the time. I don’t know what I’ll be when I grow up (I’m 37), and I find it a little scary!

The pressure that goes along with being a “tryer” is immense. What will my mom think? What will my dad and my sisters think? My brother? My friends?

“Oh look – Krista’s quitting again!”

“Called it! Pay up!”

I’m very good at talking myself into believing that I KNOW what people are thinking. I’m great at that. Perhaps they are thinking that I’m failing at things, or maybe they just wish I’d get my act together.

Here are two things I am proud of:

1.) I have the BEST children in the world. I thank my ability to learn from my mistakes for this.

2.) My grades were ALWAYS great. I can learn anything I want!  Anyone can. I love learning. I love passing that on even if I don’t do anything with it myself. For that I thank God.

I am an artist. I know this because it’s the constant thing in my life. It’s the rock I keep coming back to. I research. I watch other artists. I improve. It’s the only thing that I’ve ever “tried” that I have been passionate about.

It’s easy to look back and whine about how I haven’t amounted to anything and I haven’t done anything with my life that’s worth while.

What’s difficult is looking back on it and not thinking negatively. I need to remember to ask myself: Am I happy? Am I a good person? Have I tried to instill values in my children? Have I been there as best I could for my family and friends? Do I still love art? 

YES. Yes to all of those things. I believe in me. I believe in art. I see all these great artists and I see what they can do and then I look at my art and I go, “meh.” That is what I need to stop doing.

I want my friends and my family to believe in me and to support me and to be proud of me. As much as I want that, it really isn’t what matters. It really, really isn’t.

I am an artist. When I’m sitting on my couch not doing art, I’m still an artist. When I have low motivation and am unable to create something, or self esteem issues, or a complete lack of ideas, and when I’m just not feeling very creative. I’m still an artist. I might never, ever be anything else.

I’m alright with that.

This has been a bunch of babbling, but you’ll notice that – for the most part – it’s grammatically correct, and I haven’t spelled anything wrong. I dabbled in English Composition for a minute.

Anyway – this is my blog, I guess. I’m gonna write stuff sometimes. Usually about art, sometimes about things that piss me off. Sometimes I’m going to whine about stuff. I’m not going to talk about Politics.

I encourage comments, constructive criticisms, conversations, opinions, suggestions.

Shameless plug: I wanted to get my first post up before I disappear into the shadows for a couple of days. I am working hard on publishing my first coloring book. I’m cleaning it up and formatting it. So yeah. Exciting stuff.